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Where can you always find money?
→ In the dictionary.

What did the man do when he got a big gas bill?
→ He exploded.

If you want to get rich, why should you keep your mouth shut?
→ Because silence is golden.

If a fifty cent piece and a quarter were on the Empire State Building, which would jump off first?
→ The quarter, because it has less sense (cents).

How did the man feel when he got a big bill from the electric company?
→ He was shocked.

Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?
→ Because the poor didn't have any!

- Farmer: What would you do if a bull charged you?

- Mary: I'd pay whatever it charged.

Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?'

His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?'

Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'

One evening, a Counselor saw Max on his hands and knees.

'What are you doing?' she asked.

'I'm looking for my dollar bill,' Max replied. 'I lost it down the road.'

'Why don't you look for it there?'

'Because the light's better here!'

'I can't find my dollar bill,' Jane sobbed.

'Don't worry,' her Counselor said. 'A dollar doesn't go very far today.'

- Visitor: You're very quiet, Jennifer.

- Jennifer: Well, my mum gave me a dollar not to say anything about your red nose.

'Five dollars for one question!' said the girl to the fortune-teller. 'That's very expensive, isn't it?'

'Next!'

My sister fell in love at second sight. When she first met him she didn't know how rich he was.

Why did your sister feed money to her cow?
→ Because she wanted to get rich milk.

A little monster was learning to play the violin, 'I'm good, aren't I?' he asked his big brother.

'You should be on the radio,' said his brother.

'You think I'm that good?'

'No, I think you're terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off!'

If you found a five dollar bill in every pocket of your coat, what would you have?
→ Someone else's coat.

Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?'

'But I only have $8,' his friend replied.

That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!

Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.

'You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper.

'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'

- William: May I have some money for the man crying outside?

- Mum: What crying man?

- William: The one that's crying, 'Ice cream! Ice Cream!'

Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.

'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny.

'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly. 'Here's five more for you.'

At this Johnny howled louder than ever.

'Now what is it?' asked his dad.

'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper.

'Alec!' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why?'

'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!'

Three boys were walking along the beach one day when they see a cave. The first boy goes in and is looking at a banknote on a big rock when a ghostly voice calls out, "I am the ghost of Auntie Abel and this five dollars stays on the table!"

The second boy goes in and is reaching for the money when the same thing happens again.

The third boy goes in, sees the five dollars and cries out, "I am the ghost of David Crockett and this five dollars goes in my pocket!"

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."

I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

Elmore walked into his favorite truck stop cafe and said to the owner,

"Hey, Roy, you wanna take a chance on a raffle?"

"Whada ya win?"

"A million dollars!" said the redneck. "You get a dollar a year for a million years."

"How much are they each?"

"Ten cents. Two for a quarter. Or three for half a dollar!"

At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars.

One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."