Sex Jokes

Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, "I wish I had chest hair like you" So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says "It will work in about two months." Two months later Bob has no hair on his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, 'Rub some Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.' Jon comes home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks "Why?" Bob says "to grow chest hair" Jon says "if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail comin' out your ass!"

How can you tell if your date really digs oral sex?
→ She hikes up her skirt every time you yawn.

Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl says, "Oh my god!, it was really great, but I was Sooo scared after his rubber broke. I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."

"What happened." Says her intrigued friend.

"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the last little piece of it out with dental floss."

A couple on their honeymoon woke up after their big night.

The bride rolled over and said, "That was nice but tell me, what did my pussy look like before you rooted it?"

The husband replied "Like a beautiful rose with drops of dew on it."

"That's nice honey" she replied, "What did it look like after you rooted it?"

"Like a bulldog eating porridge" the husband replied.

A guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIS country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.

Ray listened patiently.

- That's amazing. Where I come from there's really only one.

"Oh," sniffed the Romeo, "just one? And which way is that?"

- Well, there's a man and there's a woman . . .

"Praise Allah!!! Number 80!!!"

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.

She says, "That's it! That's it!"

He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side."

A blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob.

- Excuse me, aren't you Karen Carlton, and didn't you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?

- Yes. How'd you know?

- I never forget a face.

What does a camera and a condom have in common?
→ They both capture that magic moment.

How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?
→ When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you... up the arse with her clitoris.

This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"

The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"

"Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.