Random joke from this category
John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago."
- John: Hmm... Susan? about 3 months ago?
- Susan: Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport.
- John: Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?
- Susan: I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself.
- John: Say, you ARE a good sport.
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the back yard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor's house, he knocked and waited. The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door.
"Excuse me", our man stammered, "but I couldn't help noticing how beautiful your wife is."
"Yeah? So?" his hulking neighbor replied.
"Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts."
The burly gorilla is about to deck our poor guy when his wife appears and stops him. She pulls him inside and they discuss the offer for a few moments. Finally, they return and ask our friend to step inside.
"OK," the husband says gruffly, "for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife's tits."
At this the wife unbuttons her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hang free at last. Our man takes one in each hand, and proceeds to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This goes on for several minutes, until the husband gets annoyed. "Well, come on already, kiss 'em!" he growls.
"I can't" replies our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away.
"Why not?" demands the husband, getting really angry now.
"I don't have ten thousand dollars."
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.
Wedding cake!
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Does your wife ever ... well, you know ... does she ... well, let you do it doggie style?" asked one of the two. "Well, not exactly," his friend replied, "She's into the dog trick aspect of it." "Oh, I see. Kinky stuff, huh?" "Well... not exactly. More like she rolls over and plays dead."
A young couple on the brink of divorce visit a marriage counselor. The counselor asks the wife about the problem. She responds, "My husband suffers from premature ejaculation."
The counselor turns to her husband and inquires "Is that true?" The husband replies "Well not exactly, she's the one that suffers, not me."
A young couple were married and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower.
He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared and she asked shyly, "What's that?" pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
And she, in amazement, asked, "Is that all we have left?"
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die".
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her.
"You're going to die," she replied.
The tri stages of sex in marriage-
A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, "Please be gentle... I am still a virgin." The startled groom says "How can that be? You've been married twice..."
The bride responds... "Well you see it was this way: My first husband, he was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex. Catching her breath, she says "My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was............. Oh God, I miss him!"
Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they make love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped on her reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his hand.
"Is THIS," she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been using on me for the last 5 years?"
"Honey, let me explain..."
"Why, you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -"
"Speaking of sneaky," her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three kids."
