School

There are three 3rd Grade girls, a blonde, a brunnett, and a red-head.

Which one is the tallest?
→ The blonde -- she is 18 years old!

How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess?
→ A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says, "We're going to have to do this over and over again until we get it right." An airline stewardess says, "Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breathe normally."

Some professions

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

When the formal private briefing of the attractive new teacher by the vice-principal was finished, the vice-principal took a few puffs on his pipe and said, "I have an informal piece of advice for you, Miss Bell. There's only one way you can get along in this school without submitting to the sexual advances of the principal."

"Oh my God! Well, er, what was is that?"

"I'll explain it, " he continued, "as soon as you've undressed."

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate." the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.

Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.

"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.

"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK OFF!", the dog ate him!"

Your junior-senior prom had a day-care center.

Your high school annual is now a mug shot book for the police department.

During my college days i went to participate slow bicycle race competetion, I came first in the competetion, when i went to claim my trophy, my principal kicked me out from his office saying that the trophy goes to the person who came in the last, because its SLOW BICYCLE RACE.

During my college days there was a competition for cross country race that was around 8 kms. to my surprise i found my best friend JHON who was too lazy and never use to take part in any competition came first in that race. when he reached the finishing line, me and my friends went to wish him. I told him "Jhon u made it and u proved that u can win the race too." but Jhon instead shouted at me and said " WHO LET THE DOG BESIDE ME"