School

A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Lakers fan.

She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Lakers fans too.

Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they're Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, ...named Josh.

The teacher looks at Josh and says, "Josh, you're not a Lakers fan?"

He says, "Nope, Im a Sacrmento Kings fan!"

She says, "Well why are you a Sacrmento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?"

Josh says, "Well, my mom is a Sacrmento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacrmento Kings fan, so I'm a Sacrmento Kings fan."

The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar. She says, "Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!"

Josh says, "Then I'd be a Laker fan!"

How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.

What did George W Bush get on his S.A.T.'s?
→ Drool.

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word "tragedy."

"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"

A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.

"Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"

Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"

You are so stupid that you flunked special-ed

This little boy was at school one day and had to use the bathroom really bad. So he raised his hand and told the teacher he had to use the bathroom really bad. She said ok well let me hear your ABC'S first so he started saying them: "A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y and Z" and the teacher said that's great but where's the P at he said it's running down my leg!

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.

"Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"

The professor stared at the student without saying a word. "Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

The biology teacher at the all-girls academy was handing back a test on the male anatomy. "I don't understand why you girls can't understand the male sex organ. You've had it pounded into you all semester!"

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?" One student asked, "How much for a season pass?"