Medicine

Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?
→ Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

What do you know when you see three rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?
→ You know you need a psychiatrist!

- Doctor! Doctor! I think I'm going crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear.

- Amazing! So you have.

- How could that have happened?

- I can't understand it either, because I planted cabbage!

A woman entered a psychiatrist's consulting room leading a kangaroo.

"I'm worried about my husband, doctor," she said.
"He keeps thinking he's a kangaroo!"

Did you hear about the auto mechanic who went to a psychiatrist and insisted on laying under the couch?

- Why did you charge me a group rate?

- You've got multiple personalities.

- Why are you so upset?

- My wife introduced me to her psychiatrist this morning.

- So what?

- So she said to him, 'Doctor, this is my husband. You know, one of the men I've been telling you about'.

"The trouble is," said the entertainer to the psychiatrist, "that I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't tell jokes, I can't act, I can't play an instrument or juggle or do magic tricks or do anything!"
"Then why don't you give up show business?"
"I can't - I'm a star!"

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?
→ He charges you double.

- Well, what's your problem?

- I prefer brown shoes to black shoes.

- There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people prefer brown shoes to black shoes. I do myself.

- Really? How do your like yours - fried or boiled?