Medicine

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

How is a heart like a musician?
→ They both have a beat :)

Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants?
→ They've had little use.

Why did the monster go into hospital?
→ To have his ghoul-stones removed.

What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?
→ 'I feel abominable.'

- 1st Monster: What is that son of yours doing these days?

- 2nd Monster: He's at medical school.

- 1st Monster: Oh, what's he studying?

- 2nd Monster: Nothing, they're studying him!

How did the monster cure his sore throat?
→ He spent all day gargoyling.

- Dr Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It's a new pill consisting of 50 per cent glue and 50 per cent aspirin.

- Igor: But what's it for?

- Dr Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.

A draftee went in for his physical wearing a truss and with a little convincing acting got his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt.

Afterward a friend borrowed the truss to wear for his physical. At the end of the examination the doctor stamped M.E. on his papers.

"Does that mean I'm medically exempt?" he asked.

"No," answered the doctor. "M.E. stands for Middle East. Anyone who can wear a truss upside down can certainly ride a camel."

During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months.

As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.

When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."