Marriage Jokes

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.

On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.

When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.

- Pull down your pants - whispered the pastor.

- Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind - the groom responded.

- I think I want the traditional service.

If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings!

An unmarried girl who worked in a busy office arrived one morning and began passing out big cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons. When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a new diamond solitaire ring on her third finger, left hand, and announced:

- It's a boy, six feet tall and 190 pounds!

The night before her wedding, the bride-to-be talked with her mother:

- Mom, I want you to teach me how to make my new husband happy. - she said

The mother took a deep breath and began:

- When two people love, honor, and respect each other, love can be a very beautiful thing...

- I know how to fuck, mother - the bride-to-be interrupted.

- I want you to teach me how to make a great lasagna!

- I heard the Warden's daughter up and married a guy down on Cellblock D. The Warden's mighty upset about it too.

- Why? Because she married a con?

- No. Because they eloped!

Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
→ Not if you are the groom.

How many showers is the bride supposed to have?
→ At least one within a week of the wedding.

What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
→ Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post".

What is a wedding tragedy?
→ To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money!

He really loved her but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage, much less living together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone:

- Judith?

- Yes, this is Judith.

- Will you marry me?

- Of course. Who's speaking?

Have you heard about the couple who got married in a nudist colony?

They wanted everyone to be sure who the best man was!

At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.

The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests.

Asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained:

- I was just trying to be a good ring bear.