Lawyer Jokes

As the judge said to the dentist: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

When did the criminal get smart?
→ When the judge threw the book at him.

"What makes you think the prisoner was drunk?" asked the judge. "Well, Your Honor," replied the arresting officer, "I saw him lift up a manhole cover and walk away with it, and when I asked him what it was for he said, 'I want to listen to it on my record-player!'"

- Judge: Tell me your occupation.

- Prisoner: I'm a locksmith, Your Honour.

- Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewellery shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you?

- Prisoner: Making a bolt for the door!

- Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn't you take the food instead of the cash out of the till?

- Burglar: Your Honour! I'm a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat.

- Judge: Why did you steal that bird?

- Prisoner: For a lark, sir.

- Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!

- Was it a Jersey cow?

- I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

What do you call ten Utah State law students standing ear to ear?
→ A wind tunnel.