Kids Jokes

How do you get a paper baby?
→ Marry an old bag.

Today I saw a baby who had put on five stone in weight in two weeks by drinking elephant's milk.
Whose baby was it?
→ The elephant's!

- Do you like your new baby sister?

- She's all right.

- Do you play with her?

- No, and we can't even send her back because she's been here more than 28 days.

Who is bigger - Mrs Bigger or Mrs Bigger's baby?
→ Mrs Bigger's baby, because he's a little Bigger.

Would you rather have a baby brother or a baby sister?
→ I'd much rather have a jelly baby.

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?
→ You rock-et.

A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker:

- What do you think you're doing? - she demanded.

- I'm just entertaining the baby - explained Tommy.

- Where is the baby? - asked his Mum.

- Under the bath.

- Mrs Brown: Who was that at the door?

- Veronica: A lady with a baby in a buggy.

- Mrs Brown: Tell her to push off.

Why are babies always gurgling with joy?
→ Because it's a nappy time.

A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day:

- Well, Skip - said the scout - Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it.