Food Jokes

A pizza was waiting in the stomach to be digested, then suddenly a whiskey came along. Pizza thought: "Ok. I'll let him pass, there's no hurry." Two minutes later another whiskey comes by and pizza let him pass too, but two minutes later when the next one got there, pizza stoped him: "What's going on out there?" it asked. "Why, there's a party going on!! It's great! They're having the most fun!!" the whiskey replied.

And pizza said: "Great, I'll go check it out!"

Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life?
→ Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.

Why is having a wank like eating McDonald's?
→ Because it's always exactly the same and afterwards you... swear you'll never do it again.

The new FDA milk labeling rules are so strict, it's now illegal to print a picture of a missing fat kid on a carton of skim milk.

Birth of a Candy Bar It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snicker and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said "Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden...my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped...........

Baby Ruth!

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.

A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait.

"Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says.

The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"

The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."

The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "

Why can't Chinese Barbecue?
→ Because the rice falls through the grill

What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?
→ An Italian mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill you."
→ A Jewish mother says, "If you don't eat it, I'll kill myself."

The three survivors of the shipwreck were being driven mad by hunger.

The Irishman, an expert navigator, told the others that if they could row the lifeboat for three more days they could make landfall.

The Pole, the ship's doctor, said that they could not possibly last that long, that there was only one solution to the problem and that one of them would have to sacrifice themselves for the good of the others.

The Englishman, the captain, said that he quite understood and that he would volunteer as he should have gone down with the ship anyway.

After saying an emotional farewell to his crewmen, the captain jumped overboard and sank without trace.