Dumb Jokes

- Psychiatrist: What is your problem?

- Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

- Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

- Psychiatrist: What is wrong with your brother?

- Sister: He thinks he's a chicken.

- Psychiatrist: How long has be been acting like a chicken?

- Sister: Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs.

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!

- Psychiatrist: Sit over there and I'll deal with you later!

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dustbin.

- Psychiatrist: Don't talk such rubbish!

- Patient: Doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow.

- Psychiatrist: Don't let people push you around.

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a curtain.

- Psychiatrist: Pull yourself together!

- Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible.

- Psychiatrist: What!...who said that?

A man walked into a psychiatrist's office, sat down, took out a pack of cigarettes. He removed a cigarette from the pack, unrolled it, and stuffed the tobacco up his nose.

The shrink frowned and said, "I see you need my help!"

The guy said, "Yeah Doc. Got a match!?"

A man calls the psychiatrist at a mental hospital and asks who's in room 24.

"Nobody" comes the reply.

"Good" says the man, "I must have escaped!"

Top Ten Signs your Local TV Weatherman Is Nuts

10. Every night, his forecast is: "It's raining men, hallelujah!"
11. Often asks anchorwoman to switch clothes with him.
12. Uses expensive radar equipment to track Michelle Pfeiffer.
13. "Satellite photos" look suspiciously like Polaroids of a desk globe.
14. Appears to have the first spring robin in his mouth.
15. Seen checking into a Motel 6 with a half-inflated weather balloon.
16. Every night he says, "Lordy mama, it's gonna rain root beer tomorrow!"
17. The symbol on his weather map for an arctic cold front is a snowman giving the finger.
18. Looks a lot like this pinhead. (videotape of Dave in his TV weatherman days)
19. He's got a tropical storm in his pants.