Dumb Jokes

Yo mamma's so stupid she got trapped in a bathroom and wet her pants!

A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde".

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the Blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

Can You name 3 Cars that start with P?
→ Nope, they all start with Gas!

A blonde walks into an electronics store and points to something behind the clerk.

"How much is that television set?" she asks.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," the clerk said.

So, the girl walks out. The next day, she returns wearing a brown wig. She again approaches the clerk and asks "How much is that television set behind you?"

The clerk replies, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."

Again, the girl walks out.

She again tries the next day, this time wearing a red wig. She goes up to the clerk and asks "How much is that television set behind you?" The clerk again replies, "We don't sell to blondes!"

Well, the girl was kind of suspicious.

She asks carefully, "How do you know I'm a blond?"

The clerk looks at the girl and says...

"Because that's not a television, it's a microwave!"

My brother-in-law goes into a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it. He looks on the side of his cup and finds a peel off prize. He pulls off the tab and yells, "I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home; I WON a motor home!"

The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!"

My brother-in-law replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!"

By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor home because we don't have that as a prize!"

Once again, my brother in-law says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!"

The manager grabs the prize ticket and reads, "WIN A BAGEL."

Politically Correct ways to tell someone they are goofy:

• A few clowns short of a circus.
• A few fries short of a happy meal.
• The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
• All foam, no beer.
• The butter has slipped off his pancake.
• The cheese slid off his cracker.
• Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
• Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.
• Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
• He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
• As smart as bait.
• Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
• Her sewing machine's out of thread.
• One fruit loop shy of a full bowl.
• Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
• His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
• Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
• Receiver is off the hook.
• Not wired to code.
• Skylight leaks a little.
• Her slinky's kinked.
• Too much yardage between the goal posts.
• Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
• A photographic memory, but the lens cover is on.
• During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
• Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
• Is so dense, light bends around her.
• If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
• Standing close to her, you can hear the ocean.
• Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
• She stayed on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long.

Other funnies...

Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.

• I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
• Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
• He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
• A day without sunshine is like, well night.
• On the other hand, you have different fingers.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
• Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
• Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
• I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
• She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

• I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
• Honk if you love peace and quiet.
• Pardon my driving, I am reloading.
• Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
• Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

A man is walking along the road, when he hears someone shouting "Twelve! Twelve!" over a fence.

As he walks closer to the fence, they start shouting "Thirteen! Thirteen!"

Curious, the man looks through a gap in the fence. Suddenly he's poked in the eye by a man on the other side, and as he lies there, clutching his head, the man hears "Fourteen! Fourteen!"

Yo momma is so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes!

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund.