Dumb Jokes

How many retarded Italian gardeners does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
→ One, but don't expect results.

Two Newfies landed themselves a job at a saw mill.
Just before morning the one yelled, "Mick! I lost me finger!"

"Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?"

"I just touched this big spinning thing here... No! There goes another one!"

These two newfies are building a house. One of them is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally his friend comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away.

He replies, "Those ones were pointed on the wrong end." The buddy gets exasperated and says, "You idiot, those nails are for the other side of the house!"

What's the difference between the Easter Bunny and a silly monster?
→ One's a hare-head and the other's an air-head!

- I've lost my dog!

- Have you tried putting a message on the Internet?

- Don't be silly, my dog never reads e-mails!

- I tried to send an e-mail and broke my computer.

- How do you manage that?

- I think it was when I tried to push it through the letterbox.

How can if you have a stupid dog?
→ It chases parked cars!

What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog?
→ Chump chops!

- Jack: My brother was sick and went to the doctor.

- John: Is he feeling better now?

- Jack: No, he has a broken arm.

- John: How did he break it?

- Jack: Well, the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter what happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew out of the window.

- John: How did he break his arm?

- Jack: He fell out of the window trying to follow the prescription.

A man who was very upset walked in to see his doctor. "Doctor, you've got to help me!" he wailed.
"What seems to be the trouble?" asked the doctor. "I keep having the same dream, night after night. There's this door with a sign on it, and I push and push the door but I can't get it open."
"What does the sign say?" asked the Doctor. "Pull," said the patient.