Dumb Jokes

Why did the moron give the sleepy cow a hammer?
→ He wanted her to hit the hay!

Where did the mooron take the baby cow to eat?
→ To the calf-ateria!

What did the mooron say when he saw the milk cartons in the grass?
→ "Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"

A kid called up his mom from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. His mom said, "Sure, sweetie. I'll will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"

"Uhh, oh yeah, okay," responded the kid.

So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package and went to the post office to mail the money and the book.

When she gets back, her husband asked, "Well how much did you give the boy his time?"

She said, "Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20 and the other for $1000 out to him."

"That's $1020!" yelled her husband. "Are you crazy?"

"Don't worry, Hon," she said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"

All the fraternity brothers left the house for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and get some studying done.

One night Grady heard a noise under his bed.

Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and whispered, "Anybody there?"

"No," said the burglar.

"That's funny," the boy said to himself. "I could have sworn I heard a noise!"

Soderling, the star college halfback, was taking a math exam.

The coach desperately needed him to play in the Syracuse game on Saturday, so the professor agreed to give him an oral exam.

"All right," said the prof. "How many degrees are there in a circle?"

"Uh, depends," said the boy. "How big is that there circle?"

A Mississippi professor was at a party and became indignant when asked if college professors were absent-minded.

"Professors haven't got bad memories," he declared. "They're not absent-minded. Don't you think I know where I am right now, and don't you think tomorrow I'll know where I was last night? Would somebody like to ask me another question?"

"Yes," said another guest. "Is it true that professors are absent-minded and have bad memories?"

"Good!" said the professor. "I knew sooner or later somebody would ask me that question."

Mrs. McKenzie was showing Corbett, the contractor, through the second floor of her new house to show him what colors to paint the rooms. "I'd like the bathroom done in white!"

Corbett walked over to the window and shouted, "Green up! Green up!"

"I want the bedroom in blue!" continued the woman.

The contractor listened and yelled out the window, "Green up! Green up!"

"The halls should be done in beige!" she instructed.
Again, the man barked out the window, "Green up! Green up!"

"Will you stop that?!" shouted the woman. "Every time I give you a color, all you do is shout 'Green up!' What the devil does that mean?"

"I'm real sorry, ma'am!" explained Corbett. "But I got three Oklahoma basketball players down there tryin' to put in the front lawn!"

Biddle and Payne, two elderly English professors, were having lunch in the cafeteria.

During the course of the conversation, Biddle said, "A student gave me a peculiar answer in class today. I asked who wrote the Merchant of Venice and a sophomore said, "Please, sir, it wasn't me!"

"Ha, ha!" laughed Payne. "And I suppose the little snot had done it all along!"

- Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning.

- Wife: When did you first miss it, dear?

- Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.