Dumb Jokes

A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."

Two friends:

- I heard that you have founded a musical band.

- Yes, it is a quartet.

- How many are you?

- We are three.

- Three?

- Me and my brother.

- You have a brother?

- No, why do you ask?

What do stupid kids do at Halloween?
→ They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins!

A Toledo man was admitted to the city hospital last night with severe burns after dunking for French fries at a Halloween party.

Why are sardines the stupidest fish in the sea?
→ Because they climb into tins, close the lid and leave the key outside!

How many South Dakotans does it take to go ice fishing?
→ Four. One to cut the hole in the ice, and three to push the boat through.

A couple of young guys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden.

Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell and hot on his heels came the game warden.

After about a half mile, the guy stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the game warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin license, boy!" the warden gasped.

With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a valid fishing license.

"Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes sir," replied the young feller. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one..."

Two Irishmen were walking down the street with two salmon each under their arms.

Two other Irishmen walking in the opposite direction see the two lucky fishermen and ask "how did you catch those?"

Well its like this! Michael here holds my legs over the bridge, and I grab the salmon as they swim up the river. We got four salmon A great days fishing!

So the fishless pair look at each other and agree to give it a try. They get to the bridge and Sean calls to his friend "hold my legs now Paddy".

Well he is hanging there upside down for thirty minutes when he suddenly cries.. "pull me up, pull me up!!"

Paddy asks "do you have a fish Sean?"............

No replies Sean, "there's a bloody train coming!!!!!!!!"

Two blondes rented a fishing boat, and were having a great day catching fish.

The first blonde said "This is such a great spot, we need to mark it so we can come back."

The second blonde proceeded to put a mark on the side of the boat.

The first blonde asked "What are you doing?"

The second blonde replied "Marking the spot."

"Don't be stupid" the first blonde said. "What if we don't get the same boat next time?"

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out.

The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck.

They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable parts.

The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.

"That should be obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."