Dumb Jokes

- Fred: Do you think I'm a fool?

- Harry: No. But what's my opinion against thousands of others?

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a fool-proof plan.
They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume, and began to give the moose love call.

Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, lets get out and get him."

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"

The guy in the front says, "Well, I don't know how about you but I'm going to start nibbling grass."

Two rednecks from Arkansas were out hunting.

They decided to separate to get a better chance of catching something.

The first redneck says to the other, "If you get lost, fire three shots into the air every hour. That way I can pinpoint you and find you."

After about three hours, the second redneck finds he is really lost. He decides to fire three shots into the air as the first man told him. He then waits an hour and does it again. He repeats this until he is out of ammo.

The next morning, the first redneck finds the second with the help of forest rangers. He asks the second redneck man if he did what he told him to do.

The redneck answers, "Yes, I fired three shots into the air every hour on the hour until I ran out of arrows."

Dick and Bob were on a hunting trip. At nightfall, Dick complained, 'We've been hunting all day. We've shot at five deer - and not hit one!'
'OK. Let's miss two more and then head back to camp,' said Bob.

Mike and Pat went hunting. Mike saw a large goose fly by. He raised his rifle to shoot.
'Don't waste your time,' Pat hollered.
'The rifle is not loaded.'
'I can't wait,' Mike shouted back.
'The bird will be gone if I take the time to load!'

Commissioned by a zoo to bring them some baboons, the big game hunter devised a novel scheme to trap them - his only requirements being a sack, a gun, and a particularly vicious and bad tempered dog. Once in the jungle he explained to his assistant, "I'll climb this tree and shake the branches; if there are any baboons up there, they will fall to the ground - and the dogs will bite their tail and immobilise them so that you can pick them up quite safely and put them in the sack." "But what do I need the gun for?" asked the assisant. "If I should fall out of the tree by mistake, shoot the dog."

Two men were out hunting when one of them saw a rabbit. "Quick," said the first, "shoot it." "I can't," said the second. "My gun isn't loaded." "Well," said the first," you know that, and I know that, but the rabbit doesn't."

Two guys were out hunting, but they weren't getting any ducks.
"What do you think the problem is?" one man asked his companion.
"I dunno," came the reply, "Maybe we aren't throwing the dog up high enough."

Do you know the difference between genius and stupid?
→ "Genius has its limits."

Coleman moved to Wyoming and was sitting in the unemployment office applying for a job. "Have you any experience in coal mining?" asked the clerk.
"Yeah, in Pennsylvania," he replied. "They're using that new safety lamp down there now, aren't they?" "Ah don't know, mister," said Coleman. "I worked on the day shift."