Dirty Jokes

What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag)?
→ "'Debbie'... that's cute. What did you name the other one?"

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull your finger out, I'll sink?"

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:

- Brunette: Last night I had three orgasms in a row!!

- Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over hundred.

- Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.

- Blonde: (looking shocked) oh, you meant with one guy...

Why do blondes wear underwear?
→ They make good ankle warmers.

Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
→ Cause their balls show!

What do you call a zit on a blonde's butt?
→ A brain tumor.

A midget with a heavy lisp goes to a horse farm to purchase a horse. The owner of the farm takes him through to look at all of his horses. The owner is really getting pissed off.

Finally, the last horse and the midget decided that he really wanted this horse. So he ask the owner if he could lift him up so he could look at the horses eyes. The owner did as the midget asked, and the midget said "Oh my, thse got very pretty eyez".

Then the midget ask if he could lift him up so he could see her teeth, Then the midget said "Oh wow, thse got wonderful teeth. Then the midget ask if he could see her twat. The owner, being very pissed, picked him up, and rammed him in and out of the horse's twat.

The midget looked up at the owner and said. "Oh my, yes she does have a very fine twat, but I guess I thoud have asked to see her gallop."

A man joins the crew of a ship. After a few days he gets restless and asks:

- What does one do about sex around here?

The others direct him to a large gun barrel with a hole in it. At first he does not like the idea much but, when he tries it, he finds it surprisingly enjoyable. He has another go the next day, and again the day after.

Then he asks:

- Can I do this every day?

- Yes, every day, except Wednesdays.

- Why not on Wednesdays?

- Wednesdays is YOUR turn inside the barrel!

Wuz de night befo Crismus
An all ober de hood
Everybody wuz sleepin'
Day wuz sleepin' good.
Everbody wuz sleepin'
all tight in they beds
Whilst Thunderbird Wine
Danced in they heads
I was passed out on de flo
Right next to my Ma
When I heard such a fuss
I thinked:

- It must be de law!!

I looked out tru de barz
dat covered my do
Spectin' de sherif
with a warrant fo sho!

Now ober de years
Sanny Claws, he be white.
But it lookin' like us bros
got a black Sanny dis night
Now what I did see
made me say:

- LAWD Lood at dat!

It was a huge watermellon cadi
pulled by dwarf rats
Faster than a po-lice car
True de air he came
an whupped up on dem warf rats
an called emm by name.
On Leroy, on Kendrick,
On Jontarious Lee, on Falacious
They was a sight to see
He didn't go down no chimbly-
just picked de lock on my do'
An I says to myself:

- Shit! He done did befo'!

He had a big sack
full of presents I spect
With Air Jordans and Fake Gold
to go 'round my neck.
But he didn't leave any presents-
just started steelin' my shit
He got my drugs, my stoled guns
an even my burglars kit!

With his sack on his back
Out de winder he flew
I sho woulda catched 'em,
but he stole my knife too!

He jumped on dat watermelon cadi
and pulled out a switch
He was gone in a second
dat son-of-a-bitch
I sho hope nex year
a white Sanny we git'
Cause de black Sanny Claws
jus' ain't wuf a shit!!

A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex).

She walks up to the pharmacist and asks:

- How much for a box of rubbers?

- They're $1 for a box of 3 - he replied:

- Plus 6 cents for the tax.

- Oh - said the blonde:

- I wondered how they kept them on.