Computer Jokes

- I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.

- How do you do that?

- I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!

- I see you've got your bill for using the Internet

- Yes, and my dad's really going to get the hump!

- I never thought that the Internet was very useful, but now I've changed my mind.

- Let's hope your new one works better then the one you had before.

- I hope you're not one of those pupils who spends all day on the Net and doesn't get any exercise.

- Oh, no, miss, I often sit around watching TV and not getting exercise either.

- I hear you've been tracing your ancestors on the internet...

- Yes - and it's a mammoth task!

How does the vicar explore the Internet?
→ With the church mouse.

How do you find white shirts on the Internet?
→ Use a starch engine.

- Does your mum like shopping on the Internet?

- No, the trolley keeps rolling off the top of the computer.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 11 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions.
He took the 175-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 25,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

Jim sees his neighbor out back building a bunker, loading in 75 gallons of bottled water, hauling in a gas generator and so on. "So, uh, I guess you believe Y2K is a biggie huh?"
"Naw", says the neighbor. "Ah's jes' stockin' the bunker now, 'cuz if I did it any other time, people'd think ah's nuts."