Clean Jokes

What do vampires cross the sea in?
→ Blood vessels.

What happened to the two mad vampires?
→ They both went a little batty.

When is the best time to go shopping?
→ When the stores are open.

What time is it when your watchdog lets a robber take the family silver?
→ Time to get a new watchdog.

What time is it when five dogs are chasing a cat down the street?
→ Five after one.

What dog can tell the time?
→ A watch dog!

Do you know the time?
→ No, we haven't met yet!

One day a man met three beggars. To the first he gave a dime, to the second a dime, and to the third a nickel. What time was it?
→ A quarter to three.

What time is it when a clock strikes thirteen?
→ Time to get it fixed.

Why did the kid put his clock in the oven?
→ He wanted to have a hot time.