Christmas Jokes

What can Santa give away and still keep?
→ A cold.

Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean.
That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!

- Who made this Christmas pudding?

- Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool.

- What did he use to make it?

- Elf-raising flour, of course.

- Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange!

- Have you tried playing squash?

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
→ A merry Christmas to ewe

What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?
→ Best vicious of the season

- I've had a slight accident with your sleigh, Father Christmas!

- Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in mint condition!

- That's all right....now it's a mint with a hole!

- Father Christmas: I thought I asked you to go out there and clear the snow!

- I'm on my way, Father Christmas.

- Father Christmas: But you only have one welly on!

- That's all right! There's only one foot of snow!

A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past.
They must have had sharp ears!
They were mountain-ears!

I remember when Father Christmas first passed his sleigh-driving test. He came skidding down in front of the toy factory. 'Have you passed?' I asked.
Father Christmas pointing proudly to the front of the sleigh. 'See for yourself!' he called proudly. 'No-el plates!'