Christmas Jokes

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

"That's no offense," said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?
→ "Looks like rein dear"

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
→ You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

Why does Santa Claus only have seven reindeer?
→ Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in Beverly Hills.

Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?
Its true....

Comet cleans sinks!

Why is it so cold at Christmas?
→ It's in Decembrrrrr.

Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?
→ Santa Clues.

What's the most popular wine at Christmas?
→ "I don't like sprouts!"

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
→ Crisp Cringle.