Christmas Jokes

Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage in November?
→ She wanted to do her Christmas slopping early.

What did the Production Manager give his kids for Christmas?
→ Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.

What do angry rodents send each other at Christmas time?
→ Cross mouse cards!

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

What does the bee Santa Claus say?
→ Ho hum hum!

Kowalski and Janzek left Hamtramack and went out in the woods looking for Christmas trees.

They looked all day without any luck.

Near nightfall Kowalski finally said, "Janzek, I'm takin' the next tree we come to, whether it has lights on it or not!"

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.

Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"

"They're Carol's."

What's your dad getting for Christmas?
→ Bald and fat.

What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Christmas?
→ A ghoul Yule!

What will Santa bring your fish this Christmas?
→ A scale letrix!