Christmas Jokes

- Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp.

- Father Christmas: That's called 'The Wizard of Ooze'!

- Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story?

- Elf: The one where the three creatures are scared of the Big Bad Wolf and they grow on trees!

- Father Christmas: You mean 'The Three Little Figs'.

- Father Christmas: I like the story about the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to Granny.

- Elf: That's Little Red Robin Hood'!

- Father Christmas: What's your favourite Christmas story?

- Elf: The one about the ghost that steals porridge!

- Father Christmas: You mean 'Ghoul-di-locks'!

- Father Christmas: All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket.

- Box office attendant: Then you'd better watch out... there's a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets.

- Father Christmas: Excuse me, but did I step on your toes on my way out to get an ice-cream?

- Lady: You certainly did!

- Father Christmas: Oh good! That means I'm back in the right row!

What's a ghosts favourite Christmas entertainment?
→ A phantomime!

What song do Father Christmas' gnomes sing to him when he comes home cold on Christmas night?
→ Freeze a jolly good fellow!

- Father Christmas: How do I stop a Christmas Gnome being airsick on the sledge?

- Gnome: Put a five pound note between his teeth and stick his head over the side of the sledge.

What do gnomes fear most about Christmas?
→ They're afraid Father Christmas will give them the sack!