Newest jokes

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn't measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The Aggies replied, "we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long".

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says:

- We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers:

- God Save The Queen and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers:

- Viva La France and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers:

- Remember the Alamo and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German:

- What do you want on your back for your whipping?

The German responds:

- I will take oil!

So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican:

- What do you want on your back?

- I will take nothing - says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

- What will you take on your back? - the Amazons ask the American.

He responds:

- I'll take the Mexican.

- Fred: You've got a Roman nose.

- Harry: Like Julius Caesar?

- Fred: No, it's roamin' all over your face.

- Fred: You have the face of a saint.

- Jill: Really? Which one?

- Fred: A Saint Bernard.

What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?
→ The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

Louise was watching her big sister covering her face with cream.

- What's that for?

- To make me beautiful.

Louise then watched in silence as she wiped her face clean.

- Doesn't work, does it?

What is grey and hairy and lives on a man's face?
→ A mousetache.

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
→ Big holes all over Australia!

What do you call an elephant that flies?
→ A jumbo jet!