Newest jokes

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant.
First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

- Oh, I really don't care or mind, - said the waiter with a smile.

- We don't even have an air conditioner.

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself.

Tom wasn't happy about that:

- When are you going to learn to be polite?

- Bill: If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?

- Tom: The smaller piece, of course.

- Bill: What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?

What did the salt say to the pepper?
→ Hey Baby, what's SHAKING!

It was well known that a certain lake was very poor for fishing up north, but a game warden happened to notice that one guy kept coming home with his limit of fish on several occations. He asked the guy:

- How is it that you are catching fish out of that lake when no one else can?

The guy replied:

- Well I am going back up there tommorow, why don't you come along? And, so the warden did. They were in the boat when the fisherman reached over and lit a stick of dynamite and then tossed it overboard. BOOM!!! There were fish floating to the surface all over! The game warden freaked out, and said:

- You can't do that! That's illeagal! The fisherman reached over and lit another stick and said:

- Are you going to fish, or talk?

What did the fish say when he hit the concrete wall?
→ Damn

What do you catch when you go ice fishing?
→ A cold

If you're fishing on ice, you should never tell a joke on ice. WHY???
→ The ice will crack up!

Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water.
Bob can't believe it, he yells over:

- whats your secret?

- woogatkakeptewrwm - he answers back.

- what did you say? - replies Bob.

The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob:

- you have to keep your worms warm.

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher:

- You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!

The old rancher replied:

- Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning.

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said:

- Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?

To which the farmer replied:

- Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!