Two Polish guys went away on their annual hunting expedition, and by accident one was shot by the other. His worried companion got him out of the deep woods, into the car, and off to the nearest hospital.
- Well, Doc - he inquired anxiously - is he going to make it?
- It's tough - said the doctor.
- He'd have a better chance if you hadn't gutted him first.
One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says:
- Big Chief, no shit.
the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief should be fine tomorrow.
The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. the next morning the warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says:
- big chief, no shit.
the doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief.
The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet again saying:
- big chief, no shit.
the doctor gets annoyed and so gives the warrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief.
The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor (AGAIN):
- Big shit, no chief.
How do a jewish couple have oral sex?
→ SET AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BED AND YELL SCREW YOU TO ONE AND OTHER
Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked:
- What are those bags for?
- I'm collecting for Israel - said Mr. Goldfarb.
- You need two bags? - asked Mr. Klein.
- I've got a system - said Mr. Goldfarb.
- It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say, 'Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag.
- What do you have in the other bag? - inquired Mr. Klein.
- Oh, well, not everybody gives.
O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
- Please, God - he implored - let it be blood!
There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the matter.
- 1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
- 2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
- 1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you know what 2 plus 2 is?
- 3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
- 1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you Pat, do you know?
- 4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
- 1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
- 4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from Wednesday!
Two Amish women were out picking potatoes in the field when one of them picked up two huge potatoes and said:
- These potatoes remind me of Emil's balls
- Are they that big? - asked the other.
- No they're this dirty.
How many Serbs does it take to change a Lightbulb?
→ It doesn't matter.. Theres a Blackout!
An old farmer is driving down a country road in his pickup truck when it starts making an awful noise. He stops the truck and crawls underneath to investigate the problem.
- Hmmm...muffler's loose. I bet I could fix that if I had a Monkey Wrench. - He says.
He crawls out from underneath the truck and looks down the road. Off in the distance he sees a small house. There is a black woman and several small black children playing in the yard.
The Farmer yells to her:
- Hey Miss, do you happen to have Monkey Wrench?
- What? - She yells back.
- A Monkey Wrench!!? - He screams.
- What?
- MONKEY WRENCH!!?... MONKEY WRENCH!!?
- Naw, this ain't no Monkey Ranch, its a Day Care Center!
Jewish view on when life begins:
There's a big controversy on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.
