Newest jokes

An Australian joke...

St Peter is standing at the pearly gates one day when a pair of Abo's stroll up.

- Your names aren't on today's list... let me go and ask the Boss - he says.

In God's office he tells the Big Man all about the two Abo's, and God tells Peter to go and tell them to fuck right off.

St Peter takes his leave. 5 minutes later St Peter runs back into the room and says:

- they're gone

God says:

- the Abo's? Good. - and St Peter replies...

- NO THE PEARLY GATES!!!.

How do Catholics separate the men from the boys?
→ With a crowbar.

Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
→ Because the little propellers cost extra!

If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
→ A fur coat.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
→ Somebody dropped a shekel.

What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by swallowing 100 pain killers?
→ After two he began to feel better.

A girl sat sobbing in the police station.

- I was raped by an Italian - she wailed.

- How do you know it was an Italian? - the detective asked.

- I had to help him - the girl replied.

There were these three blokes sitting on the high cliffs of a lonely beach, with a rope going down into the surf and a Chinaman frantically trying to climb up.

While they were sitting there a Priest walks along, looks over and says:

- God bless you children, that's Christianity at work. May the lord bless you both, and then kept on walking.

One bloke looks at the other:

- Who the fuck was that?

- Oh - said the other bloke.

- that's Father Johnston. He knows all there is about the bible.

The other bloke looked around and quickly says:

- Well he knows fuck all about shark fishing.

Where do you find 60 million french jokes?
→ In France.

Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of mountains?
→ So they push back harder.