Newest jokes

What's the one thing you can do to a Jewish girl's asshole to make her squeal with delight?
→ Give him a raise.

What's the difference between an Italian mother and a Jewish mother?
→ An Italian mother says:

- If you don't eat it, I'll kill you.

→ A Jewish mother says:

- If you don't eat it, I'll kill myself.

How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas?
→ They all gather around their cash registers and sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus..."

Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library?
→ Both the books got burned, and one hadn't even been coloured in yet.

What's long and hard that a Greek bride gets on her wedding night?
→ A new last name.

Did you hear about the man who was half Jewish & half Italian?
→ He made himself an offer he couldn't understand.

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman, an Aussie, an Abo, a Yank, an African, an elephant, a refrigerator, two blondes, a homosexual, three social workers, a Jew, a crocodile and a kiwi all walked into a bar.

The bartender turned around and said:

- Is this some kind of a joke?

This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down and sees an antique lamp. Thinking that he'll get enough money for another vial of crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a Jewish genie, he say's to the nigger that he have two wishes. The black guy thinks for a couple of seconds, and quickly says:

- I want to be white and surrounded by cunt.

In an instant he is turned into a tampon.

Now the morale of this story is: Don't ever expect anything from a Jew without strings attached.

Paddy Murphy had just returned to Ireland from a holiday in Australia.

His mate asked him what it was like.

- Australia's a great place! - Paddy replied.

- First they take you home and fill you so full of piss you can't stand up. Then, to top it off, they let you fuck their women whenever you want.

- Is that right? - said his mate very impressed.

- I always heard Australians were real pricks.

- Well - said Paddy.

- Only the white ones!

An Irishman, Englishman and Scotchman sitting on a beach notice a mermaid sitting on a rock. The Englishman approaches her and says 'Have you ever been kissed?' No says the Mermaid. He kisses her and she likes it. After a while the Scotchman approaches her and says 'Have you ever been fondled?'. She says no and he fondles her, much to her delight. After another while the irishman approaches her and asks 'Have you ever been fucked?' She says no. 'Well you are fucked now because the tide's gone out.'