Guest
Camera And Condom
What does a camera and a condom have in common?
→ They both capture that magic moment.
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Guest
Mick's Bad Night
Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing thing that happened the night before:
- Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours.
- Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light, lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble 'n' strife. Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I'd accidentally walked into my eight year olds daughter's room by, and worse still she was on the swimming team and didn't smoke.
Guest
Anabolic Steroids
How do you know when your girlfriend is on anabolic steroids?
→ When she flips you over, holds you down and fucks you... up the arse with her clitoris.
Guest
Nightclub Perfume
This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said:
- You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?
The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said:
- You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?
- Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it - the guy replied.
Five Fingers
A beautiful young woman marries this seventy year old bloke for his money. On their wedding night she joyfully jumps into bed and he holds up five fingers.
- Oh darling! - she squeals with delight.
- Does that mean five times?
- No - says the old fellow.
- it means that you can pick one out.
Yuppie Couple
How does a yuppie couple perform doggie-style sex?
→ He sits up and begs and she lies down and plays dead.
Guest
White And Brown Onions
What's the difference between white onions, brown onions and a 14 inch dick?
→ Nothing. They all make woman's eyes water.
Your Missus And A Pit Bull
What do you get if you cross your missus with a pit bull?
→ Your very last headjob.
Guest
Red Riding Hood Meets The Wolf
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother, when suddenly The Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree.
- Ah-ha.... - The Big Bad Wolf said.
- Now I've got you and I'm going to eat you! EAT! EAT! EAT!...
Little Red Riding Hood said angrily:
- Damn it, doesn't anybody fuck anymore?
Pissing Off Your Girlfriend
How do you piss your girlfriend of when your having sex?
→ Call her up