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An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "To the kitchen."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replies, "Sure."

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests.
She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.

"Bloomingdales!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Bloomingdales?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, "Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

How is a heart like a musician?
→ They both have a beat :)

How do you make a bandstand?
→ Take away their chairs

An eight-year-old kid says to his dad, "When I grow up, I want to be a musician."
The dad says, "I am sorry -- can't have it both ways."

A saxophone is like a lawsuit.
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.

- Hey buddy. How late does the band play?

- About half a beat behind the drummer.

Did you hear about the classical pianist who was not a good speller? When she went out to buy something she left a sign on her door that said: "Out Chopin. Be Bach in a minuet"

- My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!

- Did they wake you?

- Nah.... I was up playing my bagpipes.

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, "May I please see your permit?"

"I don't have one," confessed the musician.

"In that case, you'll have to accompany me."

"Splendid!" exclaimed the musician. "What shall we sing?"

One day the bass player hid one of the drummer's sticks.
The drummer said, "finally! After being a drummer for so long, now I am a conductor!"

Why did the boy bring a ladder to chorus?
→ He wanted to sing higher!

What do you get if you cross a lamp with a violin?
→ You get light music.

- Do you think, Professor, that my wife should take up the piano as a career?

- No, I think she should put down the lid as a favor.

What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit?
→ Will the defendant please rise.

What's musical and holds gallons and gallons of beer?
→ A barrel organ.

Why did the boy who rode his bike over a barbed wire fence miss his music lesson?
→ Because he'd already done the sharps and flats.

Why did they arrest the musician?
→ He got into treble.

What is musical and handy in the supermarket.
→ A Chopin Lizst.

Why did the music student have a piano in the bathroom?
→ Because he was practicing Handel's Water Music.

When is the water in the shower room musical?
→ When it's piping hot.

What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra?
→ Tuskanini.

- Knock Knock

- Who's there?

- Beethoven!

- Beethoven who?

- Beethoven is too hot!