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What do you call Batman and Robbin run over?
→ Flatman and Ribbon.

What do Viagra And DisneyLand have in common?
→ They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?"

After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, honey, God is both male and female."

This confuses Little Johnny, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"

"Well, God is both black and white."

This further confuses him so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"

At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers nonetheless, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."

At this Little Johnny's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Mom, is God Michael Jackson?"

What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
→ Hugh Grant.

What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?
→ They both live off dead Beatles.

What was the last thing Di said to Dodi?
→ Don't you think were taking this thing a little too fast?

What do you call 5 dogs with no balls?
→ The Spice Girls!

How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?
→ When the big hand is on the little hand.

How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
→ From a catalogue.

What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?
→ Bugs Bunny.

Here's a lame one....

What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?
→ Chocolate-chip cookie DOH!

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky?
→ Wayne takes a shower after 3 periods.

Here's a gross one:

What's the similarity between Michael Jackson and McDonalds?
→ They both stick their beef between 9 year old buns.

IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS

Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl. Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. Girlfriends, take heed!! There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to induce their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking news is that the drug is available virtually anywhere! It goes by the street name "Beer". All girls have to do is buy a "Beer" or two for almost any guy and then simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered literally helpless against such tactics.

Public Statement by the Rev. Jesse Jackson

Due to the great consternation caused by the revelation of my act of procreation, I accept my obligation to give an explanation to the population for my act of copulation. I gave in to temptation, for the anticipation of sexual gratification, that I could not obtain through masturbation, resulted in my fornication. I accepted her invitation, and provided her with excitation, stimulation, penetration, replication, and liberation. She provided lubrication (to avoid inflammation) and I wore condoms to avoid contamination. She cried for duplication but I insisted upon termination, in spite her fascination with variation. This has caused me great…

Who's got long blonde hair and big tits, and lives in Melbourne, Australia?
→ Salman Rushdie.

Heard about Salman Rushdie's sequels to "Satanic Verses"?

1. Buddha, you Fat Fucking Bastard,
2. Jesus was a Lousy Carpenter.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car?
→ Neither has he.

What can Calista Flockhart do with dental floss?
→ Hang herself.

Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
→ He thought it was a delivery service.

What's the first problem the MJ's child will have in life?
→ Figuring out which parent is his mother.

What would Elvis be doing if he were alive today?
→ Scratching like hell to get out of that box.

What's the new documentary about Madonna going to be called?
→ Missionary Position Impossible.

What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common?
→ They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.