Latest

Have you heard about the latest Polish parachute?
→ It opens on impact.

Ever hear of the redneck who thought that "Manual Labor" was the new Mexican President?

Do you know why there aren't any ice cubes in Poland?
→ The inventor died and took the recipe with him.

A Scottish cop was asked how he'd break up a crowd.

He answered, "I'd take up a collection!"

What do you call Toys R' Us in the hood?
→ We B Toyz N' Shit

Why can't Chinese Barbecue?
→ Because the rice falls through the grill

What do you get when you cross an Arab with a Mexican?
→ Oil of Ole'

Chanowski & his other Polak drinking buddy are sitting at a bar. "See those guys over there?" Chanowski says. "I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Polaks." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polaks. One of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy. "Well, what do they think of Polaks?" he asks. "We're still number one," replies Chanowski.

What do the Chinese call a 69????
→ Two can chew!!

The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor. She tells the doctor "Big Chief no fart." The doctor tells her to give him three pills a day. The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, "Big Chief no fart." The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him ten pills an hour. The girl comes back the next day and says, "Big Chief no fart." After hearing this the doctor gets so pissed off that he tells her to give him a jar an hour. The next day the girl comes back crying and says "Big fart no Chief!"

Why were there only 49 contestants at the Miss Ebonics USA pageant?
→ No one wanted to stand up and say. . . Idaho...

The Italian colonel had his brigade arrayed in full parade dress, proudly ready for inspection by the general. That worthy warrior strolled back and forth before the troops, and sniffed and stopped abruptly. "Colonel!" he spat out. "Yes, general!" the colonel quavered. "Your troops, your troops," stormed the general. "They look very nice, they stand very nice, but they stink, man, they stink! Can't you get them to change their underwear?"

He strode away furiously. The colonel sniffed for himself. "The general, yes, he's right. Now, Luigi change with Guiseppi, Carlo change with Giovanni..."

How come nobody from Mexico is ever in the olympics?
→ Because everybody that can Run, Jump, and Swim is already over here.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site surgery. As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin flew out of the window and landed at the girl's feet.

"What's this," she asked.

"Taste it," he replied, "If you like it, I'll give you a whole one!"

A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink.

The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness."

The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table."

The Russian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Gouvstof's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid."

"That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?"

"No," the Russian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time."

Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. "Bartender," he says, "give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab."

When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A moment later he's at her side. "That was very kind of you," she says. "Won't you sit down?"

After a few minutes of small talk, she says, "Let me be honest with you. You're a very nice man, but I don't think you realize that I'm a professional. I'd be delighted to go upstairs with you for a hundred dollars. If that's not what you had in mind, I certainly understand, and I'll say good-bye now, no hard feelings."

What would you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse's ass?
→ A Mechanic.

Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards."

So he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art, drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior.

The big day arrives. Martin James Roget arrives at the country club for his interview.

- Tea? the interviewer asks.

- Earl Grey, hot please.

- Hobbies?

- Polo, racket ball, hunting.

- Religion?

- Goy.

A whole gaggle of Jewish ladies at a party were discussing the problem of one of their daughters, who looked very much as though she were planning to marry a Gentile boy. Everyone was disturbed about it, and I could not help interrupting.

"Why not?" said I. "Let her marry a Gentile boy. I'm all in favor of Jewish girls marrying Gentile boys."

"Why?" chorused the women.

And I said, "Because why should the Jewish boys have all the bad luck?"

A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: "Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give you two dollars. Everybody wins."

Because his son wasn't the brightest kid in the world, old Hillbilly Joe took him to the outhouse one day to teach him how to urinate properly. "Now you lissen good, Dan'l, 'cuz here's whatcha gotta do.
One: Take out your penie-pipe.
Two: Pull back the foreskin.
Three: Pee.
Four: Push back your foreskin.
Five: Put your equipment back."

The boy said he understood, but the next day while he was working at his still, Joe's wife came running over. "Oh, Joe, Joe, come quick! Dan'l went ta piss an' won't come out of the outhouse!"

"Hell, whut's he doin' in there?" Joe said.

"I dunno. He jess keeps sayin' 'Two-four, two-four, two-four......'"

Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not."

His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
→ Everyone has the same DNA.

A man of Polish ancestry walked up to the counter and asked for a Polish Meatball Sandwich. The man at the counter said, "What a Pollack."

The Polish man said, "I resent that. If a Jew came to your counter and asked for a kosher salami on rye, would you call him a stupid Jew."

"Probably, " replied the clerk.

"And if an Italian came in here and asked for spaghetti and meatballs, would you also insult him?"

"Probably," the clerk again replied.

"Why you're nothing but a bigot. Why do you have to insult everybody not like you?"

At this, the clerk replied, "Because this is a HARDWARE store, moron."