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What is pink and moist and split in the middle?
→ A grapefruit!

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.

- How am I doing? He asks.

- Three knots, she replies.

- Three knots? What's that mean?

- You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back.

A guy meets a girl out at a nightclub and she invites him back to her place for the night. Her parents are out of town and this is the perfect opportunity. They get back to her house and they go into her bedroom. When the guy walks in the door, he notices all these fluffy toys. There's hundreds of them, fluffy toys on top of the wardrobe, fluffy toys on the bookshelf and window sill, there's more on the floor, and of course fluffy toys all over the bed. Later after they've had sex, he turns to her and asks "So, how was I?" She says "Well ... you can take anything from the bottom shelf."

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's performance. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

How do you know when your girlfriend is too fat?
→ When she sits on your face and you can't hear the stereo

What is the definition of an overbite?
→ When you go down on a girl and come up with a mouth full of shit.

How do you know you're leading a sad life?
→ When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Confucious say: "Man who goes to sleep with sex on mind wakes up with solution in hand."

A man takes his 10 year old daughter to the doctor.

He says:

- Doctor, I want to put her on the pill.

The Doctor says:

- Why?!? Is she sexually active?

The guy says:

- Nah, she just lies there like her mother.

One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.

He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with no experience.

On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed, they start exploring each other's bodies.

Things are going fine until the bride discovers her husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"

"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".

She slides her hands further down and gasps.

"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.

"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.

Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes, the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".

There is this French couple, sitting up talking, when the wife says to the husband that it was time he had a conversation with their thirteen year old son about the birds and the bees. So the father goes to his son's room and says "Son do you remember that session I arranged for you with mademoiselle Ginette ?" "Oh yes papa, I remember very well" says the son. "Well son it is time you knew that the birds and the bees do the same thing"

A guy approaches a prostitute on the street and asks her, "how much?" she replies, "$100 if I lay down and $75 if I stand up." He asks what the difference is, and she tells him, "it's my hairdresser's fee!"

Did you hear about the new course you can take at school?
→ Yes, Intercourse....you go between periods and you are expected to come.

How does a women hold her liquor?
→ By the ears.

Mother: What seems to be the problem with you? You have been married three years and still no children. I had hopes of being a grandmother by now.

Daughter: I just don't know, Mom! Billy tries all the time, it's just that I have a lot of trouble swallowing.

- Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!

- Girl: Why thank you!

- Boy: Of course, if I was on you...

I would becoming too!

How do you know when you have a serious overbite?
→ When beaver starts tasting like shit.

A Frenchman was arrested and charged with having sex with a dead woman.

- How do you plead? - asked the judge.

- Guilty or not guilty.

- Not guilty, replied the man.

- On what grounds? queried the judge.

- I didn't think she was dead....

I thought she was an American.

How does Herpes leave the hospital?
→ On crotches.

Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was becoming routine and boring.

- Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try playing doctor for an hour?

- Sounds great, but how do you make it last for an hour?

- Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!

An aging hooker volunteered to give the novice a few tips on the art of fellatio. Satisfied that she had perfected the basics, the old pro asked the beginner if she had any questions.

- Well yeah. I was wondering how long dicks should be sucked.

- The same as the short ones, honey.

What's the definition of a real loser?
→ A guy who has a wet dream and gets HIV.

What is red and has seven dents?
→ Snow White's cherry!

What's the difference between mono and herpes?
→ You get mono from from snatching a kiss....

What's the difference between a Geneologist and a Gynecologist?
→ A Geneologist looks up your family tree, and a Gynecologist looks up your family bush.