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- I'm not going back to school ever again

- Why ever not?

- The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions!

- Mother: How was your first day at school?

- Son: It was all right except for some man called "Teacher" who kept spoiling all our fun!

What did you learn in school today?
→ Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!

What are you going to be when you get out of school?
→ An old man!

- Father: How were the exam questions?

- Son: Easy

- Father: Then why look so unhappy?

- Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!

- Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead Sea?

- Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even know he was sick!

What do history teachers make when they want to get together?
→ Dates!

- Father: What did the teacher think of your idea?

- Son: She took it like a lamb

- Teacher: Really?, what did she say?

- Son: Baa!

- Teacher: Did your parents help you with these homework problems?

- Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!

My teacher reminds me of history
She's always repeating herself!

- Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?

- Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!

- Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?

- Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

- Teacher: What came after the stone age and the bronze age?

- Pupil: The sausage!

- Dad, can you help me find the lowest common denominator in this problem please?

- Don't tell me that they haven't found it yet, I remember looking for it when I was a boy!

- Little Monster: I hate my teacher.

- Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!

- Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions?

- Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!

- Teacher, I can't solve this problem.

- Any five year old should be able to solve this one.

- No wonder I can't do it then, I'm nearly ten!

- Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you?

- Pupil: How did you know?

- Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither"!

- Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.

- Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either!

What's yellow, has wheels and lies on its back?
→ A dead school bus!

- Teacher: What family does the octopus belong to?

- Pupil: Nobody I know!

Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher?
→ He couldn't control his pupils!

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
→ Because his class was so bright!

Why was the headmaster worried?
→ Because there were too many rulers in school!

- Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you?

- Pupil: But you said not to answer you back!