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Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.
Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.

Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!
Yo mama so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.
Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!
Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!
Yo mama so dark she spits chocolate milk!
Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent.
Yo mama so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
Yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!
Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!
Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.
Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.
Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.
Yo mama so short she models for trophys.

Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.
Yo mama so nasty she made right guard turn left.
Yo mama so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave
Yo mama so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo mama so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.
Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said:

- Sorry, no professionals.

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said:

- What a treasure!

- and her father said:

- Yes, let's go bury it.

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.
Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!
Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.
Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up
Yo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"
Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo mama so fat were in her right now
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world
Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

Yo mama so bald even a wig wouldn't help!
Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mind
Yo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.

Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter!

Yo mama so flat she's jealous of the wall!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a book!
Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a piece of paper!

Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo mama so dirty she makes mud look clean.
Yo mama so dirty that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation worries!
Yo mama so dirty that you can't tell where the dirt stops and she begins.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people waving. Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.

Yo mama nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!
Yo mama nose so big that her neck broke from the weight!

Yo mama hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.
Yo mama hair so short she curls it with rice.

Yo mama head so big she has to step into her shirts.
Yo mama head so big it shows up on radar.

Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.
Yo mama house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.
Yo mama house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.

Yo mama house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo mama house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside

Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!
Yo mama aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!
Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.
It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used to the front seat!
Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.
Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.
Yo mama so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.
Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.
Yo mama twice the man you are.
Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.

Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.
11. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
12. The six front keys have rotted out.
13. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.
14. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
15. The password is "Huntin".
16. The CPU has a gun rack mount.
17. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
18. The keyboard is camouflaged.

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
11. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
12. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
13. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
14. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
15. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
16. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
17. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
18. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
19. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your…

10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
11. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
12. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
13. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
14. You can focus better with one eye closed.
15. You fall off the floor.
16. The whole bar greets you when you come in.
17. You haven't had a driver's license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.
18. Roseanne looks good.
19. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.

1. The Communist Manifesto as read by Ronald Reagan
2. The Torah as read by Louis Farrakhan
3. The Koran as read by Sammy Davis Junior
4. The Bible as read by Madeleine Murray O'Hare
5. Walden as read by James Watt
6. The Anarchist's Cookbook as read by Theodore Kaczinsky
7. How To win Friends and Influence People as read by Dennis Rodman
8. Europe on $10 a Day as read by Steve Forbes
9. The Godfather as read by John Gotti
10. Mr. Boston's Bar Guide as read by Ted Kennedy