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What does an agnostic, insomniac, dyslexic do?
→ Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What did the blonde say when the docter told her one leg was bigger than the other?
→ Like, Not even!

What do you call 32 hillbillies standing in line?
→ A full set of teeth!

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT:
Why was it that the Kamakazi pilots used helmets?

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT:
Assume you drive your car at light speed. What happens when you turn on the head lights?

What did the astronaut see in his skillet pan?
→ An Unidentified Frying Object!

Office work dull?...

None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?...

Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative execution

One-Point Gags

• Run one lap around the office at top speed
• Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time)
• When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.
• Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you
• Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"

Once there was this guy, lets call him Fred, who had a very small penis. Poor Fred thought if only he had larger equipment then maybe the chicks would like him more.

One day Fred went into the mens room and a very short man dressed in green was standing there peeing. Well, Fred couldn't help but notice what an enourmous penis the man had and he said as much:

- How did it get so big? - he asked incredulously.

- With magic - the man replied.

- I am a leprechaun.

Fred was amazed:

- Can you make mine that big?

The leprechaun could and said he would if Fred would only do him a small favor...to bend over and let him have his way with Fred. Fred agreed and did so. When they were finished he pulled his…

There were three guys waiting for a bus on a bench when the first guy farts, 'WHOOOSSHHHHH....' No one brought attention to it. Then suddenly the second guy farts, 'WHOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH........' Again, no one thought anything of it until the third guy let one, 'PPPPPPPPUUUUUUHHHHHHHH...' The first two guys then looked at the third guy and simultaneously said, "STRAIGHT."

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her:

- There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal.

- That doesn't matter - replied the blonde.

- if I only can sell the car.

- Okay - said the brunette.

- Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter on your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore.

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the…

Buckwheat from the Little Rascals became a Muslim.

Now they call him Kareem of Wheat!

I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case it was almost fucking impossible!

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

Whats the square root of 69?
→ EIGHT something

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
→ Mistle toe, of course!

If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Coolwip" on the side..........you might be a Redneck

If your working T.V. sits on top of ur NON-working T.V. ..........you might be a Redneck

If you think a "courter horse" is that ride in front of Kmart..........you might be a Redneck

If the biggest city you've ever been too is Walmart..........you might be a Redneck

What do you call a cow with no legs?
→ Ground beef.

A traveling salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his next day's meeting, he called down to:

- I'm afraid not, sir - the clerk told him.

- but down the hall is a special machine that should serve your purposes.

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the appropriate machine, inserted fifty cents, and stuck his head in the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his head in the mirror, which reflected the best haircut he ever received in his life.

Down the hall was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures 25 cents."

- Why not? - thought the salesman.

Do you know the difference between mono & herpes?
→ You get mono from snatching a kiss....

What do you call a masterbating bull?
→ Beef strokin'off.