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Why don't bananas snore?
→ Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

Did you hear about the unlucky man who bought some bananas?
→ They were empty.

How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana?
→ She left him out in the sun too long.

Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing firm?
→ He kept throwing the bent bananas away.

What's yellow and always points to the north?
→ A magnetic banana.

What is yellow and goes bzzzzzz?
→ An electric banana.

- Teacher: What is Ba + Na2?

- Pupil: Banana.

What's yellow and writes?
→ A ball-point banana.

What do you do if you see a blue banana?
→ Try to cheer it up.

- They're not going to grow bananas any longer.

- Really?

- Why not?

- Because they're long enough already.

The last time I saw a face like yours I threw it a banana.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
→ Because he couldn't find a date.

Why did the banana go out with the prune?
→ Because he couldn't find a date.

How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana?
→ Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.

- I've never flown before - said the nervous old lady to the pilot.

- You will bring me down safely, won't you?

- All I can say ma'am, is that I've never left anyone up there yet! - said the pilot.

After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief.

- Ma'am, do all these children and this luggage belong to you? - he said.

- Yes, sir, they're all mine. - my mother said with a sigh.

The customs agent began his interrogation:

- Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?

- Sir, if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now. - she calmly answered.

Once as Laloo was coming out of airport, there was huge rush and the security guard told him:

- Wait Please.

To which Laloo replied:

- 65 kgs, and moved on.

- Stewardess

- Yes, Sir?

- I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

- Captain, shut up and land the plane.

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A small twin-prop commuter plane was hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who vowed to kill one of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions.
There were two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast geneticist.
The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why they shouldn't be killed. The microbiologist (who studied bacteria) talked for 1 minute 59 seconds explaining that he studies bacteria, bacteria are model organisms for the study of genetics and physiology etc. etc. and finished with an emotional, bacteria-laden plea which had the hijacker in tears. When he was done, they turned to the yeast geneticist who said:

A husband suspects his wife is having an affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the husband just knew when his wife said:

- Honey, I've told you once, I've told you twice, I've told you niner thousand times, negative on the affair ...

- ATC: Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions?

- Cessna: To get my Commercial Pilots Licence and Instrument Rating.

- ATC: I meant in the next five minutes not years.

On a flight with EasyJet back in 1997 the pilot made what can only be describes as an extremely heavy landing at Luton. It was very early in the morning and a number of passenger around me looked quite alarmed as, apart from the noise, a number of overhead lockers dropped open and several items of carry-on luggage were launched down the aisle.

After slowing up, the aircraft turned off the runway and turned towards the stand and over the PA came:

- Good morning ladies gentlemen, this is Captain Smith, welcome to Luton...and if any of you were asleep...

- I bet you're not now!

- Flight 1234, are you ready to copy holding instructions?

- Center, make that request on the next frequency....

- Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings..

- OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!