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- Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed?

- Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!

What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
→ A horse!

Why did the girl take a ruler to bed?
→ She wanted to see how long she slept.

Why did your sister keep running around her bed?
→ Because she was trying to catch up with her sleep.

Why does your brother wear a life jacket in bed?
→ Because he sleeps on a waterbed!

- Mother: Did you make your bed today?

- Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.

Why did the bed spread?
→ Because it saw the pillow slip.

Shall I tell you the joke about the bed?
→ No, because it hasn't been made up yet.

Why do people go to bed?
→ Because the bed won't come to them.

Why did the girl put her bed in the fireplace?
→ Because she wanted to sleep like a log.

A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark.

- Hello, Jenny, - said the neighbour.

- Isn't it time for little girls to be in bed?

- How would I know? - asked Jenny.

- I haven't got any little girls.

- I'd love you to stay the night, but I'm afraid you'll have to make your own bed.

- Oh, that's all right, I don't mind at all.

- Right. Here's a hammer, a saw, and some nails. The wood's in the garage.

I have four legs, but only one foot. What am I?
→ A bed

How can you shorten a bed?
→ Don't sleep long in it.

Three boys were sharing the same bed on holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided to sleep on the floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he might as well get in to bed again. 'There's lots of room now,' he said.

- I'd like to buy a bed, please.

- Certainly, madam. Spring mattress?

- Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.

- You can't have any more chocolates tonight. It's not good for you to go to bed on a full stomach.

- Oh, Mum. I promise I'll lay on my side.

What is the softest bed for a baby to sleep on?
→ Cot-on-wool.

Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake?
→ She spent the night popping out of bed.

- I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed.

- Did you have a big role?

- No, just toast and marmalade.

- I don't think my Mom knows much about children.

- Why do you say that?

- Because she always puts me to bed when I'm wide awake, and gets me up when I'm sleepy!

Why did the composer spend all his time in bed?
→ He wrote sheet music.

When Mr Maxwell's wife left him, he couldn't sleep.
Why was that?
→ She had taken the bed.

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting.

- I've just bought a pig - said the first.

- But where will you keep it? - said the second.

- Your yard's much too small for a pig!

- I'm going to keep it under my bed - replied his friend.

- But what about the smell?

- He'll soon get used to that.

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night.

- What's wrong? - asked his mother.

- Do people really come from dust, like they said in church? - he sobbed.

- In a way they do - said his mother.

- And when they die so they turn back to dust?

- Yes, they do.

The little boy began to cry again:

- Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going.

The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.