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What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian?
→ They had a feast of fun.

How can you help a starving cannibal?
→ Give him a helping hand.

Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school?
→ I wouldn't fit through the door.

What is a bus?
→ A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

- Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver.

- Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.

What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head?
→ The deceased!

What "bus" crossed the ocean?
→ Columbus.

What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold?
→ One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.

Which end of a bus is it best to get off?
→ It doesn't matter. Both ends stop.

Have you seen the bus website?
→ Yes - it's just the ticket!

- Janet: What's the difference between a cake and a school bus?

- Jill: I don't know.

- Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake!

- Is everyone in the bus? - asked the driver before he closed the door.

- No - called a lady, wait until I get my clothes on.

All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.

- Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel?

- I should say not, on my salary!

Does this bus stop at the river?
→ If it doesn't there'll be a very big splash.

Do buses and trains run on time?
→ Usually, yes.

No, they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.

What have I got in my hands?
→ A double decker bus!

You looked!

- Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today?

- No. Is there a strike?

- No, they're stopping to let the passengers off.

- Conductor, this bus was very slow!

- Oh, I expect we'll pick up speed now you're getting off!

Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn't hurt yourself?
→ Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the bus.

Sam left work after a tiring day.

- Take the bus home - suggested a friend.

- My mother would only make me take it back - Sam said.

- Passenger: Does this bus go to London?

- Conductor: No.

- Passenger: But it says London on the front.

- Conductor: There's an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't sell them!

What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head?
→ Dead.

Why did the bus stop?
→ Because it saw the zebra crossing.

A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside.

- There's no room. It's full up!

- But you must let me on! - shouted the man.

- Why, what's so special about you? - they asked.

- I'm the driver - replied the man.

When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs?
→ I prefer to ride on top, but it's very hard getting the horse up the stairs.