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Why did the burglar take a shower?
→ He wanted to make a clean getaway

- Fred: We had a burglary last night, and they took everything except the soap and towels.

- Harry: The dirty crooks.

A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night.

- There's a burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made this morning.

- Who shall I call, - her husband asked, - police or ambulance?

A stupid bank robber rushed into a bank, pointed two fingers at the clerk and said:

- This is a muck up!

- Don't you mean a stick up? - asked the girl.

- No, - said the robber, - it's a muckup. I've forgotten my gun.

- Dad, - said Fred to his father, who was a bank robber. - I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow.

- OK, son, - said his dad, - I'll get you the cash when the bank closes.

Why was the robber bionic?
→ He was holding up a bank.

The criminal mastermind found one of his gang sawing the legs off his bed. "What are you doing that for?" demanded the crook boss. "Only doing what you ordered," said the stupid thug. "You told me to lie low for a bit!"

Two small time thieves had been sent by the Big Boss to steal a van load of goods from a bathroom suppliers. One stayed in the van as look out and the other went into the storeroom. Fifteen minutes went by, then half an hour, then an hour, and no sign of him. The look out finally grew impatient and went to look for his partner. Inside the store the two came face to face. "Where have you been?" demanded the worried look out. "The boss told me to take a bath, but I couldn't find the soap and a towel."

What's another word for a murderer who kills old ladies?
→ A Killergran.

When the school was broken into, the thieves took absolutely everything - desks, books, blackboards, everything apart from the soap in the lavatories and all the towels.
The police are looking for a pair of dirty criminals.

Did you hear about the burglar who fell in the cement mixer?
→ Now he's a hardened criminal.

Newsflash: Two criminals have escaped from prison today. One is orange and 9ft tall, and the other green and yellow and 2ft tall.
The police are searching high and low for them.

Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community.... and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had…

It was Rocky's first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates were in their cells and he was trying to become a bit more comfortable with his meager surroundings. As he leaned against the bars at the front of his cell, Rocky heard a voice call out "44" and the whole cell block erupted into laughter! Another voice called "16" and again there was laughter. A third voice called "62" which was followed by laughter throughout the block.

Rocky didn't know what was going on so he rapped on his cell wall.

- Yeah, whaddaya want? - came the gruff reply from next door.

- What's going on, here? - asked Rocky.

- Well, - said the other inmate, - down in the prison library there's only one joke book…

A computer geek goes to prison for fraud, they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy,

Having heard what happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he figures he had better introduce himself, He extends his hand and says with a quivering voice, Hi my name is John Smith.

The big guy who actually is a nice guy extends his and says my name is Turner Brown.

The geek passes out.

The big guy fans him and brings him too.

Why did you pass out he asked?

The geek replies, what did you say your name was?

Turner Brown he replies.

Oh God the geek says I thought you said:

- TURN AROUND.

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

- Listen, - said the shoplifter, - I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said:

- This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?

Where do cowboys cook their meals?
→ On the range.

What advice do cows give?
→ Turn the udder cheek and mooooove on!

Why did the bowlegged cowboy get fired?
→ Because he couldn't keep his calves together!

If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later leaves on Friday, how does he do it?
→ The horse's name is Friday!

What do you call a cowboy who helps out in a school?
→ The deputy head!

Why did the cowboy's car stop?
→ It had Injun (engine) trouble.

Why did the cowboy get a hot seat?
→ Because he rode the range.

Why was the cowboy a lot of laughs?
→ He was always horsing around.

What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
→ Bronchitis (bronc-itis).