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- Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down.

- I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.

If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him?
→ Dead.

Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time?
→ It was a dead heat.

Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary?
→ It was a dead end job.

- First ghoul: You don't look too well today.

- Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.

Where do ghosts go for their holidays?
→ The Dead Sea.

What do you find in a zombie's veins?
→ Dead blood corpuscles.

What's a zombie's favorite pop song?
→ Dead sails in the sunset.

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?
→ Pete.

What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies?
→ A dead cat.

What is the difference between a musician and a dead body?
→ One composes and the other decomposes.

What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells?
→ A dead centipede.

How many line dance instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
→ Five!...
Six!...
Seven!...
Eight!

What's the difference between a line dance instructor and a dentist?
→ A dentist lets you sit down while he hurts you.

What do cows like to line dance to?
→ Any kind of moosic you like!

What do cars do at the disco?
→ Brake dance.

- My dance partner dumped me for my best friend.

- Why? Was he a better dancer?

- Don't know, I never met him.

What do tired line dancers do?
→ They Line Down :-)

Which dance will a chicken not do?
→ The foxtrot!

What is a duck's favorite dance?
→ The quackstep!

What is a frog's favorite dance?
→ The Lindy Hop.

There was a dance teacher who talked of a very old dance called the Politician. "All you have to do" she told her class "is take three steps forward, two steps backward, then side-step side-step and turn around."

What do you call a line dancer on a cruise?
→ An Ocean "Liner"

These two friends are about to go to a club.
One of them has a wooden eye. He said:

- If someone says something about my eye, i'm gonna snap.

They get there, and he asks a girl to dance. She says:

- Would I?

Why did the two knives go to the dance together?
→ Because they both looked sharp!