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Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job?
→ The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.

What's the definition of a Yankee?
→ Same thing as a "quickie", only you do it yourself.

What has seventy-five balls and screws old ladies?
→ Bingo!

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
→ It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
→ A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
→ When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
→ A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq?
→ They don't want to wear out the camel.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
→ Wiped his ass.

How do you embarrass an archeologist?
→ Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
→ Ask your mother.

What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
→ Stick his bill up his ass.

Why is food better than men?
→ Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.

What have men and spray paint in common?
→ One squeeze and they're all over you.

Why do men always give their penis a name?
→ Because they don't want a stranger making 95 percent of their decisions for them.

What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in a bathtub?
→ One has hope in her soul, the other has soap in her hole.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
→ A Lickalotopus.

What do you call a gay dinosaur?
→ Mega-sore-ass.

Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants?
→ He heard the snowblower coming.

What's another name for pickled bread?
→ Dill-dough.

What's the difference between sin and shame?
→ It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out.

What do elephants use for tampons?
→ Sheep.

The blonde was at the blood bank and sold a pint of blood. As she was leaving counting her $25, a man was leaving counting his money. He had $40. She asked if he had some rare blood type that he got more than she did. He said no, that he had donated sperm. The next day the bimbo was back at the blood bank. The receptionist asked if she was there to donate blood. The blonde could only shake her head, as her cheeks were bulging.

Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?

A blonde and a brunette were talking. The brunette complained, "Everytime my boyfriend brings home flowers, I have to to spend the weekend with my legs in the air." The blonde asks, "Don't you have a vase?"