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- Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?

- No! Tell me about it.

- It smells of $50 dollar bills.

A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live.

Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order.

"Oh yes, I've done that," said the old gentleman.

"I've only got to make a will. And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money? I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."

- Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them?

- I did!

- Well, here's the elastic band.

- Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt.

- Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!

The best way of saving money is to forget who you borrowed it from.

What happened when Dumbo went to a mind reader?
→ They gave him his money back.

- I hate paying my income tax.

- You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile?

- I'd like to but they insist on money

- Dad, would you like to save some money?

- I certainly would, son.

- Any suggestions?

- Sure. Why not buy me a bike, then I won't wear my shoes out so fast.

Three animals were having a drink in a cafe, when the owner asked for the money.
"I'm not paying," said the duck. "I've only got one bill and I'm not breaking it."
"I've spent my last buck," said the deer.
"Then the duck'll have to pay," said the skunk.
"Getting here cost me my last scent."

How can you double your money?
→ By folding it in half.

What happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
→ There was money in the kitty.

Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.

"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.
Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."

Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open?
→ She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.

Where do bees keep their money?
→ In a honey box.

Why is money called dough?
→ Because we all knead it.

While practicing autorotations during a military night training exercise a Huey Cobra screwed up the landing and landed on the tail rotor. The landing was so hard that it broke off the tail boom. However, the chopper fortunately remained upright on its skids, sliding down the runway doing 360s.

As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...

- Tower: Sir, do you need any assistance?

- Cobra: I don't know Tower, we ain't done crashin' yet.

Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students.

The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind?"

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.

"You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"

"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' --- that did it."

- Who likes music? - asks a commander.

- Two soldiers step forward.

- All right. I bought a piano. Take it to my apartment on the fourth floor.

The theatrical manager exclaimed: "Your last role was magnificent, Mr. Brown. You enacted so well that officer wounded on the battlefield. Your suffering looked very much like real."

"It was. I've got a large nail in my shoe."

"Well," said the manager, "for heaven's sake leave it in until the end of the run of the play."

Recruits were shocked at the language the sergeant used in their unit. During a smoke break one young soldier asked:

"Sergeant, where did you le-arn your language?"

"Learnit, hell, it's a gift," proudly informed the NCO.

Two paratrooper recruits in a plane:

- Are you crazy, Vasily? You are going to jump without a parachute.

- Is it mandatory to wear it?

- Sure. It's raining outside.

How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?
→ Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

What's the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?
→ Aeroflot has killed more people.

What is Iraq's national bird?
→ Duck