Travel Jokes

- Teacher: Where is the English Channel?

- Pupil: I don't know, my TV doesn't pick it up

A traveling salesman was held up by a bad storm in the Hawaiian Islands. He sent an e-mail to his corporate headquarters advising them that he was stranded for a few days and requested instructions.

The reply came back shortly: "Begin vacation as of yesterday."

An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc."
Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation.
Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's this?" The waiter replied, "It's a friend of duck."

A out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here."

"You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried and now irritated waiter, "I can only serve one table at a time."

When the airline Captain announced they were flying over Salt Lake City, Utah, a woman told the man sitting beside her, "I understand this is the home of the Mormon religion where husbands believe it's OK to have more than one wife."
"That's true," he replied, "as a matter of fact I happen to be a Mormon myself and have nine wives."
"How disgusting," she said, "you should be ashamed of yourself, such practices should be against the law and you ought to be hung." With a slight grin, he just said, "Yes, mam I am."

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.

The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying.
One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.

With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope.
The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."

When does a rabbit go exactly as fast as a train?
→ When it's on the train.

What job do rabbits at hotels have?
→ Bellhop.

What book did the rabbit take on vacation?
→ One with a hoppy ending.

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn't gotten a single person to stop.

Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride. Of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway and tied it to his bumper.

He tied the other end to the bike and told the man that if he was going too fast, to honk the horn on his bike and that he would slow down. Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.

Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed to the other officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph.

He then relayed, "...and you're not going to believe this, there is a guy on a bike honking his horn trying to pass...."