Travel Jokes

- Are there any bats in this cave?

- There were, but don't worry, the snakes ate all of them.

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. Started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts."

Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.

Someone -- always a man -- always asks, "does the ship run on generators?" The Cruise Director usually tells them, "No, we just have a very long power line running to the mainland."

There was some mix-up with a woman's room. The clerk (or whatever they are called on ships) was trying to remedy the situation. He asked, "Would you like an inside cabin or an outside cabin?" She replied, "Well, it looks like it might rain today. I'd better get an inside cabin."

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.

He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer."

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.

About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you.
But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

Where did vampires go to first in America?
→ New-fang-land.

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England?
→ Because England was discovered before the USA!

- Teacher: In what part of the world are the people most ignorant?

- Pupil: Hong Kong

- Teacher: Why do you say that?

- Pupil: That's where the atlas says the population is most dense!

- Teacher: Fred can you find me Australia on the map please?

- Pupil: There it is

- Teacher: Now, Louise, who discovered Australia?

- Pupil: Fred did!

- Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?

- Pupil: Because it can't sit down!