Sport Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't.

The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?" The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying."

The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else."

The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?" The dog answers with a muffled "RUTH."

With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door.

As they bounce on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, "DiMaggio?"

What's the difference between a womens track team and a tribe of pigmee's?
→ The pigmee's are a bunch of cunning runts.

Dentist begging the patient:

- Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

- Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time.

- There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game!

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?
→ Tunnel vision!

What is the best way to get a man to do sit-ups?
→ Put the remote control between his toes.

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?
→ The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.

What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60?
→ Four guys watching a football game.

What's a man's worst nightmare?

1. The Super Bowl is pre-empted by a soap opera.
2. His wife has amnesia and forgets how to cook so he has to.
3. A female boss.
4. He has to ask his wife for money.

"Three Men And A Baby"
→ What you get when four men go fishing and one comes back not catching anything.

A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance.

"I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team."

"Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly.

The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"

Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with 'T'?"

The Polak said, "Two!"

"Very good!" said the coach. "And what are they?"

"Today and Tomorrow!"

"Hmm... OK," said the coach. "How many seconds are there in a year?"

"Twelve!"

"Twelve? How did you come up with twelve?" The coach was perplexed.

"Well," said the Polak, "there's the second of January, the second of February, the second of..."

"Um.. OK," broke in the coach. "How many d's in 'Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"

"Oh, that is easy!" laughed the Polak. "Three hundred and sixty-five!"

"WHAT?" cried the coach. "How did you get that figure?"

To which the Polak sang, "dee dee dee-dee-dee dee-dee...."