Sport Jokes

What's the object of a Jewish football game?
→ To get the quarter back!

What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track?
→ The Indy 500.

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for seven days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God, "Where were you?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; "Look my child, look what I've just finished making." Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" God replied, "It's another planet, but this time, I've decided to put LIFE on it. I've named it earth and there's going to be a balance between evertyhing on it.

For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them - that's going to be a hot spot.
Now look over here.
I've put a continent of white people in the North and another one of black people in the South."

And then the archangel said, "And what's that long white line there?"
And God said, "Ahhh that's the land of the long white cloud - Aotearoa - (New Zealand) that's a very special place. That's going to be the most glorious spot on earth; Beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. These people here are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be fond of travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieveing. And I'm going to give them this superhuman, undefeatable rugby team which will be blessed with the most talented, and charasmatic specimens on the planet, and they will be admired and feared by all who come across them." Michael the archangel gasped in wonder and admiration but then seeming startled proclaimed, "Hold on a second, what about the BALANCE, you said ther was going to be a balance....."

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the neighbours I'm going to give them."

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him.
The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. "And the Americans, they are so friendly!" he concluded. "Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, .... 'Jose, can you see?'"

Why do elephants prefer peanuts to caviar?
→ Because they're easier to get at the ballpark.

What do you call an elephant that lies across the middle of a tennis court?
→ Annette!

How is the Easter Bunny like Shaquille O'Neal?
→ They're both famous for stuffing baskets!

Does the Easter Bunny like baseball?
→ Oh, yes. He's a rabbit fan!