Situations

When a small Montana village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one.

Randall, an old rancher, stood up. "Ah think we should keep the old truck," he said.

"We can use it for all them false alarms!"

Treadwell walked into a Biloxi stationery store and asked, "Have you got any invisible ink?"

"Certainly sir," said the owner. "What color?"

Did you hear about the Texan who moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ level of both states?

"How come you're only watering half your lawn?" a perplexed tourist asked a Richmond resident.
"I just heard there was a fifty percent chance of rain."

Henderson bought a new car and, after he left the showroom, decided to catch a movie. When he came out, Henderson noticed he'd locked the car and left the keys in the ignition.

He telephoned the dealer. "Which is the cheapest window to break?" he asked.

"You don't have to break any of the windows," explained the dealer. "I'll come right down with another key and we can open it together."

"No, no!" shouted the new car owner. "I gotta know now! It's about to rain and I wanna put the top up!"

Shingles were loose on Pennock's roof, and he complained about leaks to Barton, his neighbor.

"Why don't you mend the roof?" asked Barton.

"I can't today," Pennock replied. "It's pouring rain."

"Well, why don't you patch it in dry weather."

"It don't leak then!"

Rigby drove into the city with his girl to catch their first play at a theater.

Rigby rushed up to the box office and said, "Gimme two tickets for tonight's show."

"Sorry," said the box office attendant. "There are no seats left. We have only two standing rooms left."

"Well, I'll be hog tied! Only two left in standing room!" said the farm boy. "Are they together?"

- Say, your house is burning.

- That's okay. I got enough lumber in the attic to build a new one.

- Housekeeper: Professor, there's a bill collector at the door. I told him you were out. But he wouldn't believe me.

- Professor: No? Then I suppose I'll have to go and tell him myself.

A stupid man was struggling out of his house with a big table. His neighbor said to him, "Hello, Harry. Where are you going with that then?" And Harry replied, "I'm taking it to the store to have it measured for a new tablecloth."