Sex Jokes

Why do blondes have orgasms?
→ So they know when to stop having sex.

Pinnochio had been getting complaints from his girlfriend. "Every time we make love," she said, "I get splinters."
So Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the carpenter, for advice.
"Sandpaper," said the carpenter. "That's what you need."
So Pinocchio took some sheets of sandpaper and went home. A few weeks later the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again. "How are you getting on with the girls now?" he asked.
"Who needs girls?" said Pinocchio.

A truck driver was going down a steep incline when, at the foot of the hill, he was able to make out a couple having sex in the middle of the road. Five times on his descent he sounded his horn, but they didn't move. He finally brought the truck to a halt inches from them. The truck driver got out and stormed:
"What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me? You could have been killed!"
The man replied nonchalantly: "Listen, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf of Vaseline. A woman answered the door.

"Do you use Vaseline?" asked the researcher.
"Certainly," she said. "It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns."
"And what about anything else?" he asked.
"Like what?" He became embarrassed. "Well, sex, maybe."
"Oh, of course." she said. "I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out."

Whats the definition of love, true love, and showing off?
→ Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

Why do hunters make the best lovers?
→ Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

Whats the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
→ Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

What is the definition of 'making love'?
→ Something a woman does while a guy is f***ing her.

What did the sign on the whore house say?
→ Beat it we are closed

Did u know that a condom had a serial number?
→ No, I never had to unroll one that far.